Izrael asserts that BW resent black men because no matter how much education BW gain and how high up the corporate ladder we go, we'll never have as many options available to us in terms of potential partners. He also says that those of us who are expecting to find the perfect man, aka Denzel Washington, should as I would say 'close our minds!!!!' because it's not going to happen, our choices are way too limited.
We have four choices:
1. The sugar daddy who is also the chronic cheater
2. The wealthy, obnoxious and highly educated black man
3. The Afrocentric poet who will never amount to anything
4. The black man who lives off of you and makes no effort to do anything much for himself.
And apparently we're not much better because we may also be placed in groups of three:
1. The OVER-educated BW who is incapable of being a wife, lover or homemaker
2. The ex-slut Afrocentric poet who refuses to pleasure her husband in bed
3. The lazy BW who are dream killers, resentful of their man's success.
So there we go. According to Izrael, that's Black people for you. Nicely packaged and arranged into groups. Nothing good about any of us really...
He ends on a rather sweet note (not sweet enough to redeem him of his depressing, pessimistic and false statements though), saying that the aim should be love and not marriage and that's how Michelle Obama got her man (like he was in her head when she was making decisions).
As someone who has gained a good education but still thinks the prospect of becoming a housewife is wonderfully appealing, I see where he's coming from. In the long run, success is not measured only by wealth and the number of plaques you have up on your wall. Having said that, having a husband and children isn't for everyone either. And yes! You can have the fairy tale!
Photo source: http://www.thenewblackmagazine.com/Photofiles/black%20wedding.jpg
11 comments:
i definitely do not agree with the Izrael, but then, with a name like that, what would you expect? Love is possible but not marriage? please! i would rather say the opposite. and abby, trust me, there are no fairy tales. i believed in them once, but not anymore. it just doesn't exist.
I feel slow burning anger spreading through me. He's lucky it's a Sunday so I'll take a breather and hopefully formulate some coherent, non-abusive thoughts later.
Brie,
I read this piece yesterday and my first thought was that Izrael isn't very bright (he's an idiot). I mean his theory isn't based in any sort of fact. He's basically just making wild assumptions and generalizations.
The problem to me isn't really Izrael but this narrative in the media about Black (women's)dysfunctionality.
It isn't anything new but because there are so many media outlets now these theories about why Black people or more specifically Black women can't find a mate have multiplied exponentially.
There is always some new study or article about this. But as I said it's nothing new.
Last month MSNBC.com wrote a very similar article. Both MSNBC and Izrael make wild assumptions that are not based in fact nor any real anecdotal evidence.
These pieces are always predicated on one or two people's opinions. Or looking at so-called statistical evidence that when turned around does not appear so bad.
But what is more worrisome than these articles is that so many Black women believe them as gospel.
Once they begin to believe this stuff they become self-fulfilling prophecies by spreading the gospel of Black dysfunctionality.
We have to push back against this sort of stuff by calling it out as the garbage it is.
Here is the link to the MSNBC.com piece:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32379727/ns/health-sexual_health/
@ Awura Ama: lol at ur comment on his name. oh but...cynical much? lol one person's idea of a fairytale differs from another person's right? i know quite a few older black couples (none of them Ghanaian btw lol) who testify that their marriage has been a fairytale thus far, financial, physical, etc. problems aside. I think it's good to remain optimistic/positive about having the kind of man that suits you best. so by fairytale i mean the man who perfectly suits you and whom you suit perfectly, not the man who is perfect.
@Sankofa: i think a few deep breaths are in order LOL...the arrogance of the article left me completely incredulous. If i didn't want to write on it, i would have been unable to finish reading it.
@Monie: ohhh i read that...there's too many of these depressing statistics coming out all at once! and i bet like you say, they're based on a teeny weeny minority. I would be pleased that they're paying so much attention to black women but it's never very positive attention.
abby, you and i read too many romance novels back in the day and it has coloured our thinking. there's no such thing as fairytale marriages. fairytale weddings, sure, but not marriages. i'm not being cynical, just real. to tell u the truth, i'm a hopeless romantic, even after all the sh** i've been and going thru. u just have to be real and know that marriage is not easy and never a fairytale.
Sounds like stereotyping again..
Never comes to any good for anyone tbh..
Thanks so much for reading the piece. It's hard to know what kind of conversation your work will spark once it leaves you -- and with a name like mine, I'm not necessarily smart enough to presume -- but I'm happy to see that it does.
all my best,
jimi
Yes, Jimi, that piece will no doubt spark conversation regardless of who reads it!
I will play a little devils advocate here with this article. Are there any valid points in the statements by Izrael? I happen to think so. Since I am a man, I will say there is a lot of truth to what he has to say about black men. However, we get that stereotype from our black women more than any other race. I know the responds I will get from a lot of you on this blog but look around you, how many succesful black women do you know that are as succesful in their personal lives? Yes there are a lot of dogs out there but maybe its not all the man's fault when the trend continues.
Okay Nana, I understand you. don't worry, the black women who read this blog are not about to attack u. it's true, i don't know many black women who have it all going on ie. both the work success and a happy marriage. having said that, a lot of the black women i know put their marriages before work and have been aiming at having the perfect home rather than a successful career so i don't have enough to judge from.
I just don't see why we can't have it both, perhaps with more support from our men? And indeed, i agree with you, the opposite should be true too, black women should be more supportive of black men.
Thanks Abena for not attacking me.lol I completly agree with you that its okay to have it both ways. However, its incredibly difficult and we just need to be ready for that. The hardest part is holding our tongues or just agreeing on whats more important in a relationship.
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